Friday, November 30, 2012

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Friday, November 23, 2012

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Monday, November 19, 2012

And in other news ...

Now that we’ve survived the momentous election of 2012, in which a flood of money and hurricane force winds of hot air brought us more or less the same government we had before, it’s time we turned our attention to other pressing matters.

But I can’t. For one thing, it’s deeply gratifying to see that Mitt Romney has not let failure go to his head. Actually, it seems there’s not much he does let go to his head. He’s still the same lovable clueless doof he always was. Instead of railing against the now famous 47% of Americans who minimize their taxes almost as effectively as he does, Romney has accused Obama of buying votes by adopting policies that actually benefit millions of people. Egads!

Obama, meanwhile, has signaled that he’s going to be a force to be reckoned with during his second term. He’s not going to let the Republicans walk all over him as he has in the past. From now on, they’ll have to take their shoes off.

Of course, the shocking, earth-shattering news is that someone in a position of power committed adultery. Now there's nothing unusual about famous, powerful people engaging in hanky-panky. We’ve all seen stories ranging from Bill Clinton's receiving the head of state to the former bodybuilder turned actor turned California Governor impregnating his staff to the jealous, Depends-wearing astronaut trying to avoid bathroom stops as she drove furiously across country to assault her rival. But the remarkable thing about the David Petraeus story is ... there's nothing remarkable about it. Seriously. The guy was having an affair. Boring.

Why are we even still talking about it?

Friday, November 16, 2012

For a good time, call ...

Gary Hart
Clarence Thomas
Bill Clinton
Mark Foley
John Edwards
Eliot Spitzer
Larry Craig
John Ensign
Mark Sanford
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Dominique Strauss-Kahn
Anthony Weiner
David Petraeus

And so on, and so on. The same story over and over again.

That's what wrong with this country. We've lost our innovativeness.



Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Friday, November 9, 2012

Lincoln, Lincoln, I've Been Thinkin' ...

In the heat of our recent political season, it was easy to lose sight of the fact that this kind of chicanery has been going on throughout the history of our nation. Earlier this year, a startling movie revealed the little known fact that before entering politics, Abraham Lincoln had an early career as a vampire hunter. Inexplicably, that movie has been suppressed. It has disappeared from theaters, and is now only available on DVD and Blu-Ray, and via download.

Why? Could it be that the Republican Party is trying to conceal Lincoln's past in order not to alienate the vampire voters?

Now another Lincoln movie is being released. Note that both of these films were released exactly a few months after the 150th anniversary of 3 years before Lincoln's assassination! Coincidence? I think not! (I mean, "I don't think it's a coincidence," not "I don't think.") This is clearly an attempt to re-write history ... to cover up Lincoln's vampire vanquishing record.

The American people deserve better.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Monday, November 5, 2012

Battle Hymn of the Republicans


Mine eyes have seen the glory of the GOP campaign.
We have nominated Romney. (All the others were insane.)
We don’t have to have a plan ‘cause all we have to do’s complain.
The campaign marches on.

Chorus:
Grand Old Party, Hallelujah!
Grand Old Party, Hallelujah!
Grand Old Party, Hallelujah!
The campaign marches on.

Oh, the rich will solve our problems. They could do it all today
But they’re feeling so inhibited by taxes they must pay.
They’re against anything Keynesian. After all the man was gay.
The campaign marches on.

Chorus

Republicans deny that man-made climate change is true.
They just want to keep on drilling, mining and keep fracking too,
‘Cause the sea waters are rising and the coastal states are blue.
The campaign marches on.

Chorus

We would not have bailed Detroit out. Then again maybe we would.
Both FEMA and the EPA are bad, except when good.
For whatever is my stance is not near anyplace I’ve stood.
Mitt Romney marches … uh, whatever.

Chorus

I can’t wait until election night to finally get some sleep
When our country has a President and very hopeful Veep.
The voters will deserve it. As you sow, so shall you reap.
The campaign marches on.

Chorus