Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Out Of Your Way

There are two kinds of people in the world: human beings, and airline passengers. The first group occasionally smiles, relaxes, and seems to enjoy itself. The second group looks like the bedraggled, snow-covered protesters at Occupy Wall Street, but with less optimism. At least the protesters have some room to spread out.

Look at it another way: Even meat eaters often balk at consuming veal because of the inhumane (inanimate?) way the calves are treated. The calves are kept in pens so small they can't move for their entire lives, so they won't develop any muscle tone which might make the veal chewy. Yet airline passengers are confined in the same way for many hours at a time. Travelers are also herded like cattle, and given a good deal less to eat. No wonder they're moist and tender at the end of a long trip.

In short, I'm proposing a new organization ... P.E.T.A.P. - People for the Ethical Treatment of Airline Passengers. Hmm. Maybe we can get some celebrities to pose naked for us.  I mean for ads, of course.

In Edward Albee's play, Zoo Story, the character Jerry says, "Sometimes it's necessary to go a long distance out of the way in order to come back a short distance correctly." I'm not quite sure what he means by that, but I think it has something to do with air travel. Or not. I don't know. I read the play a long time ago.

The point is that even with all our modern technology, we still have to endure horrible conditions in order to travel by air. I think I speak for a lot of us. We are searched, corralled, herded, confined and forced to listen to seat belt buckling instructions.  And we can't even use my cell phone.

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