Sunday, January 2, 2011

Predictions for 2010

It's now safe to make predictions for the year 2010.  (Ok, so I'm not a big risk taker.)  Here are my top ten:
  1. In a stunning reversal, Republicans decide the Obama health care reform bill is the best legislation ever.  The controversial provision requiring Americans to buy health insurance is seen as precedent-setting.  The GOP immediately goes to work drafting laws that require Americans to buy cars, high-definition TVs, and real estate in Florida.
  2. Apple rocks the world with the invention of a phone that not only doesn't fit in your pocket, but can't be used as a phone.  They sell millions.  In response, other phone makers develop Google Android devices that offer all of this plus a near complete lack of application software.
  3. A group of Chilean miners invents a way to avoid campaign advertising.  Rights are acquired by Disney, the reality-avoidance company, in exchange for E tickets.
  4. BP invents a new way to harvest oil by drilling holes in the ocean floor and waiting for it to wash up on the beach, where it is collected by government workers and volunteers.
  5. Economic woes cause world-wide hardship as millions of homes and jobs are lost, school budgets are slashed, and Republicans are forced to cut back on Grey Poupon.
  6. To everyone's great surprise, Middle East peace talks break down as Palestinians continue their practice of sending rockets and bombs into Israel, and Israelis continue their practice of building housing.
  7. The long-awaited, next-to-last, no-we're-not-finished-milking-this-yet, and other-hyphenated-adjectives Harry Potter movie is released.  We learn that Harry, the most famous and awesome wizard in the world, with the most evocative back story, still can't score with the witches.  (Spoiler Alert: In the sequel, he will hook up with Christine O'Donnell.)
  8. American voters express their frustration with politicians who don't act on their ideas by electing politicians who have no ideas.
  9. A bunch of celebrities die.
  10. Blogging, especially the snarky, sarcastic kind, makes a huge comeback.
Happy New Year!

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