Monday, May 22, 2017

The Players

For those of you who can’t tell the players without a scorecard, we’ve prepared this handy list of Trump’s cabinet members and their mission statements.

Department Secretary Slogan
State Rex Tillerson Make oil great again.
Treasury Steve Mnuchin Make Wall St. great again.
Defense James Mattis Make America strong again.
Attorney General Jeff Sessions Fill America’s jails again.
Interior Ryan Zinke Make America for sale again.
Agriculture Sonny Perdue Make my family rich again.
Commerce Wilbur Ross Make me rich again.
Labor R. Alexander Costa Make Americans overwork again.
Health Tom Price Make America sick again.
Housing Ben Carson Huh?
Transportation Elaine Chao Make America walk again.
Energy Rick Perry Make fossil fuels great again.
Education Betsy DeVos Make America stupid again.
Veterans David Shulkin Benefit veterans again. Really.
Homeland Security John Kelly Make America white again.
CIA Mike Pompeo Make America secret again.
UN Nikki Haley Make America look great again.
EPA Scott Pruit Make America filthy again.
Small Business Linda McMahon Make America wrestle again.
OMB Mick Mulvaney Make America small again.


And, of course, Trump himself: Make America great again.