Wednesday, July 23, 2014


Billions of years ago, the universe was formed when an infinitesimally small particle exploded in what has become known as The Big Bang. This popular theory completely evades the question of where this infinitesimally small particle came from.

After The Big Bang, the universe just kept expanding, forming all kinds of crap: stars, galaxies, nebula and all that stuff that Neal deGrasse Tyson doesn’t describe nearly as entertainingly as Carl Sagan did.

Many of these stars were surrounded by swirling clouds of stuff, which eventually (we’re talking billions of years here) hardened into little pellets called planets. And at least one of these planets had enough hydrogen and oxygen and carbon to form organisms like algae and plankton and the Tea Party.

More billions of years went by, and these primitive life forms gradually evolved into beings complex enough to log into Facebook. These beings had developed the technology to send typos and grammatical errors around the world at lightening speed, but they chose to spend their time arguing about whether to let a handful of beings own all the money in the world or just most of it, or whether to let children stand on one side or another of an imaginary line.